Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
2 Corinthians 4:16 | NIV |
Over the years I have gained a significant amount of weight. About 60 pounds since I was married 23 years ago. I have tried to lose some but it creeps back. I have gone home in tears when I find nothing that looks even remotely pretty in the dressing rooms.
I searched high and low for a maid of honor dress and the bride and I settled for one after days of searching. It was not my favorite. Though it was a beautiful dress, I felt it was made for a much younger thinner person. I wanted to wear something that covered my arms and was modest. but the dresses that came it the particular color of the wedding were few.
I recently looked at the pictures of the wedding and everyone ...everyone looked beautiful and elegant except me. My Gorgeous friend glowed in her exquisite dress and veil. The Groom was handsome and the best man was svelte and dapper in his tux. I was expecting to look a certain way and I didn't. I looked so old and flabby. I towered over people and I was like a piece from a Child's 10-piece puzzle (big and obvious)--trying to fit into a 1,000 piece puzzle made up of tiny intricate pieces. I stuck out and didn't fit in. I cried thinking that I somehow ruined the pictures. With my imperfect body and flawed hair. I looked old and not elegant at all.
One time a co-worker who I adored mentioned her glasses. I did a double take and said " Hey I didn't know you wore glasses! When did you get those?" She laughed out loud and answered " I have always worn glasses." Then she got close to my face and said one of the sweetest things I have ever heard " You didn't see them because you look at at me from the inside not outside".
She was one of the most beautiful people I've ever known.
Why then can I not see my beauty?
Why, did I look at the wedding photos and not see the person who ran around that day trying to make the day perfect for my friend? Why didn't I see the pride and love I felt for her and her groom who beat all the odds and found each other? Why didn't I see the person who made the pretty centerpieces for her shower and tried to make them perfect because she deserved perfect in her life. Why couldn't I see INSIDE OF ME? I was so focused on the outside and what people who saw the pictures would think.
I felt down and stupid for making this so important....it was just a symptom of a bad week. Earlier I had gone to bible study and didn't understand any of the questions or comparisons. I struggled finding the "addresses" of the assigned verses and felt so out of place while others easily answered and compared and contrasted with more scriptures.
Then this morning I opened my bible.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Psalm 139:13-14 | NIV
Psalm 139 is absolutely beautiful. It tells us He Knows all....He knows us... every bit of us, and he Loves us. It tells us we are wonderfully made!
What a beautiful description...We...that means you too are wonderfully made!
He knew us before we were born. And he loves us...flaws and all. All he wants is for us to love Him with all our hearts.
He doesn't care that I'm not an expert in the Bible. He cares that I have a hunger for it.
He doesn't look at my weight gain and fading beauty...he looks in my heart and sees ME, and HIS Word revives me day by day. 2 Corinthians 4:16
I'm am His Child.
You are too.
